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Raising Teens |
goombah1
Member
Posts: 12
Location: Mesa,AZ
Joined: 10.07.08 |
| Posted on 09/24/2008 11:19:32 |
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Hi, My name is Rose (Goombah1) and I want to know if anyone else feels that their teenagers' learn more from TV and the internet, than they do from their parents or school?
When my son was a teenager,it was HBO,MTV or his (less supervised) friends' that were the culprits.He gave me grey hair,way before I was ready. I "taught" him right from wrong,as any good parent does,but the only way he was going to REALLY learn was by making those choices himself and for me to let him DO it.He survived his teenage years and so did I,with relatively few lasting scars.
He has a 12 year old daughter,that's giving him grey hair now,she's claiming that she's an 18yr.old cheerleader on MySpace and has men sending her cellphone texts,telling her that "they want to lick her all over" and "the sizes of their penises." My son "blew a gasket",took the phone away from her and the computer.He texted all those men back and told them that they were dealing with a 12 year old girl, any more messages would be forwarded to the police dept.
He called me and asked,"Mom,how did you do it when I was growing up and being a pain in the butt,how did you keep your composure?" I wasn't sure how to respond,(without laughing) and told him "I didn't,I just prayed alot and God took care of it.It's called "REVENGE",that's why God made grandchildren.
rose smith-peeler |
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RE: Raising Teens |
boofsmom
Member
Posts: 7
Location: Kansas
Joined: 13.09.08 |
| Posted on 09/24/2008 11:24:29 |
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Hi Rose! I think they learn from everywhere, but really mostly from their friends. By they pick up tons from from the internet especially. My daughter (now 19) is on there almost constantly. She is a really good kid (no, really she is. I can hear you all laughing from here!), so I don't worry about her too much.
I am lucky in that she talks to me a lot. I get from her that she does listen to what I tell her, even if I get a grunt or even nothing in return. So we just have to keep talking! Keeping those lines of communication open is so important! Even when they are totally screwing up! And banning the tv or internet won't do a lot of good because they will either find other ways to access it, or they will just find things out from their friends.
Paula in A Red Room
http://aredroom.wordpress.com/ |
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RE: Raising Teens |
Ivana Cheong
Moderator
Posts: 81
Location: Seattle, WA
Joined: 25.06.08 |
| Posted on 10/01/2008 12:01:29 |
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Blame technology and the 21st century. These things are vital but so are classic family values, which is why my parents planned to make me stay at home beyond 18 years old. *GASP*
I completely agree that 18 is way too young to go out into the world alone. Not mature enough, I'll admit it firsthand.
Unfortunately, the pervs and the bad stuff exist, Internet or not. Think back to Jane Austen's times: there must've been similar people, only the language is less vulgar, yet in their eyes, it was vulgar. What's important is that your kids know what's appropriate or not.
We can't control what people do or say. It's how we respond to them; that we can control. |
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RE: Raising Teens |
AlwaysAlways
Member
Posts: 2
Location: New York
Joined: 09.09.08 |
| Posted on 10/11/2008 13:35:11 |
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I've got 4 teenagers in this house! Let me tell you the hardest part is letting them make some choices and fall on the arses. Mind you I can talk til I am blue in the face, once they've made up their mind, and they have been taught right from wrong, they are good kids, but sometimes they veer off - I cut them off at the pass if it is something that could be catastrophic, but other times I let them learn - hard hard thing to do! I pray ALOT and I hope for the best. They've learned some lessons the hard way and I usually get "why didn't you tell me? or Why didn't you stop me? or Why didn't you help?" my reply is almost always the same, I did - you were listening.
So far we've made it through one girl hitting the age of 23 and alive and well and on her path in life - thank goodness!! there was a time her father and I were concerned. Now we are left with an 18 and 20 year old daughters, 15 & 16 year old sons.
If not for a little help from Loreal - the grey hairs would have won the battle by now. I also don't think I've slept a solid night since the first one hit teenager.... I'm thinking it's going to be another 8 years or so before I sleep a solid night through again! lolol
I think we all have our fears, what could happen, what if it happened, what did I do? didn't do? could I have done it better - faster - louder! lol they didn't come with rule books and the rules defintely changed over the last 10 years or better... teenagehood is a nightmare come to life. I only hope I survive the last 4 in this house!!
Grandchildren I can wait for, but in the same token - I CAN'T WAIT!!
Orange County, New York
A Wife, Mother (of 5), Friend (to many), Knitter (well I'm tryin!), Crocheter, Crafts Person, Cook (it feels like a diner around here), Laundress (it never ends!!),Referee (HEY you boys to your separate corners, GIRLS knock it off!), Party Planner (or spoiler tee hee just ask my teenage daughters), Jailer (ask my kids!!) and secretary. In other words: "Jill of All Trades Master of None!" |
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RE: Raising Teens |
Ivana Cheong
Moderator
Posts: 81
Location: Seattle, WA
Joined: 25.06.08 |
| Posted on 10/12/2008 21:59:38 |
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Wow,AlwaysAlways... I admire you for keeping it up!
By the way, your signature seems to be broken at the end. Your closing needs an opening bracket. |
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RE: Raising Teens |
Momof4
Member
Posts: 3
Location: Indiana
Joined: 31.10.08 |
| Posted on 10/31/2008 09:40:01 |
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I find my 12 year old has the same issues they learn so much more now through avenues like the internet and friends that we may be ready for, luckily I have 20 yr old who has been there done that and she tries to pull her siter back to reality and keep her from making mistakes that she made herself. I agree with the REVENGE with the grandchildren thing my Mom always said it would happen to me and it has in Spades but taking away the cell phone and the internet at home only works if you keep them home. They can IM from a friends or even school (they know how to get by the controls) so if you take away they're stuff and they are mad they may just end up in more trouble trying to prove you wrong. It's a fine line with few answers. |
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RE: Raising Teens |
greeeneyedwhwoman
Member
Posts: 1
Location: Victoria BC Canada
Joined: 20.07.08 |
| Posted on 10/31/2008 10:49:19 |
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Wow, raising teens. I've raised 4 girls and my youngest is now 17. This girl was my child that was going to go through life with ease until she was assaulted months ago. She is now just so completely out of control. She has quit school, she is working full time, but also stays out till all hours and doesn't let herself rest, eat properly and is definitely not letting herself heal emotionally from the assault. She won't go get help and she definitely won't listen to me or her father. (she does listen sometimes, but not very often) Most of the time when I try to talk with her, she just says something like "Do you want me to leave?" She actually moved out and was living with a boyfriend but I managed to get her back here so at least I know when she is here that she's safe.
She finished work yesterday at about 7pm and didn't get home until after 1 am. She had ended up at a house party and was confronted by friends of the person who assaulted her and she was threatened with bodily harm. I have tried to explain to her that she is putting herself in danger by choosing to put herself out there with the wrong people etc. and walking home at 1am? Even in my peaceful part of Canada, a female just doesn't do that, its common sense.
She won't go to our dr, she won't go to the Women's Sexual Assault Centre, she won't go to the police (and frankly I don't know what they could do at this point)...
I apologize, I'm totally venting right now. Its difficult to watch her self destruct...I think all I can do is be here for her when she falls, but also be honest with her along the way!
Thanks for listening
Anne |
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RE: Raising Teens |
Cher
Member
Posts: 17
Location: Colorado
Joined: 04.11.08 |
| Posted on 11/04/2008 09:59:55 |
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I think kids are sponges. They learn from their parents, friends, school, TV, internet--literally everywhere. We live in an information saturated age and kids naturally just absorb it all.
Cher Gorman
www.chergorman.com |
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RE: Raising Teens |
mommytwo
Member
Posts: 63
Joined: 21.10.08 |
| Posted on 11/04/2008 14:34:31 |
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I feel for Anne. My son is 18, and like Anne's daughter, my son was the "easy child." Now he's away in college (a freshman) and doing his own thing. He's not doing all the things I'd hoped he would, and it's so hard for me and my husband to accept this. We understand he's his own person when we think about it, but somehow it doesn't totally sink in. Very difficult. |
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RE: Raising Teens |
Ivana Cheong
Moderator
Posts: 81
Location: Seattle, WA
Joined: 25.06.08 |
| Posted on 11/13/2008 11:21:46 |
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That must be the hardest thing, isn't it? (And I don't mean this negatively at all) For your child to go his own path.
My mom always wanted one of her kids to be a super piano player, but we could never afford it. She is willing to buy it, I think, for my little brother (my baby) and he probably has the talents, but he doesn't want to do it, which is disappointing.
And like most Asian parents (ha, stereotyping) mine want their kids to be either doctors, lawyers, or engineers (or CEOs, for that matter). My sister is going into business (so that's one down). My brother is too young, but he will probably do something graphic and arty like video game design. And I'm going into journalism. Yes, I am the hopeless child.
I'm in college right now, but I want to transfer soon. All the schools I want are on the East Coast... my mom keeps saying that she's alright with that, but then she keeps telling me to apply to U of Washington. And I keep telling her that neither the U or any other in-state colleges have journalism. Then she says, "Well, then change it." (<---but a bit nicer sounding, I suppose.)
I'm just like: Heh. Okay. No.
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RE: Raising Teens |
SusieK
Member
Posts: 1
Joined: 07.09.08 |
| Posted on 11/16/2008 01:32:56 |
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As a recent teen, I can add some perspective. Yes, these days there is so much information so readily available... and yet, if teens know they can get the same information from their parents, they want it. Even if they don't ask... take some quality time, speak with your children... make a lunch date or a special trip, and discuss important matters in a comfortable environment. If you are giving your teen positive and helpful direction, they won't seek the same information elsewhere, from a much less reputable source. Of course teens will still want to know what their friends know, but if you approach questions with understanding, calm and reasonable answers, your child will appreciate it, gratitude or not. |
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RE: Raising Teens |
Cher
Member
Posts: 17
Location: Colorado
Joined: 04.11.08 |
| Posted on 11/18/2008 13:22:24 |
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I think that kids learn not only from parents but from friends, relatives, teachers, TV, Internet, Radio, newspapers, magazines...the list goes on. They are like little sponges. Now what they choose to do with what they've learned or what they choose to believe or not believe is the real question. If your teenager is not an alcoholic, drug addict or career criminal you've done a good job. They may not grow up to be president or make millions of dollars but if they are happy, healthy and living a productive life what more can you want.
Cher Gorman
www.chergorman.com |
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RE: Raising Teens |
Cher
Member
Posts: 17
Location: Colorado
Joined: 04.11.08 |
| Posted on 11/18/2008 14:41:51 |
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It's so true about communication. Parents have to know what's going on with their kids. They need to keep the door open not to mention their eyes and ears. It is vital they are an active part of their kids lives.
Cher
Cher Gorman
www.chergorman.com |
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RE: Raising Teens |
mommytwo
Member
Posts: 63
Joined: 21.10.08 |
| Posted on 11/21/2008 12:27:26 |
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Is there any way to disconnect the games at night? I found with my son and daughter, I had to make strict times when they were and were't allowed to play those games. Believe it or not, the other thing we used to do was take our kids out of the house a lot on weekends, etc. We took them anywhere and everywhere--just to keep them out of the house and therefore away from the video games. We tried our best to introduce them to lots of other things in life that might stimulate them. But I don't mean to sound as if I know it all--this is a tough problem for lots of us. I think one option is to constantly try to introduce our kids to other interesting things in the world around them. |
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RE: Raising Teens |
Ivana Cheong
Moderator
Posts: 81
Location: Seattle, WA
Joined: 25.06.08 |
| Posted on 11/23/2008 23:38:37 |
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I think at some point in the childhood, there is something "addicting" that takes up a lot of the kid's time, like video games or sports. In my opinion, one of the most important things next to exposing them to other interests is to make sure they understand the role of these activities in their lives. Be sure that they're aware that these things cannot interrupt with school, family life, chores, etc. Once they're aware and they can make the distinctions themselves, I reckon that there will be no use of literal monitoring, like disconnecting at night.
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RE: Raising Teens |
mommyfrisbie
Member
Posts: 1
Location: Iowa, USA
Joined: 26.11.08 |
| Posted on 11/26/2008 11:39:30 |
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I have 10 children, one of whom passed on recently. 5 are teens. I see lots of teens filter through my home on a regular basis. I offer no tv, only movies deemed appropriate by me for all eyes as I have anyone from 18 mon to 18 yrs in the house at all times. We have several computers, but used only in common areas. We have cell phones but they are FAMILY cellphones, no teens have their own. We do not have the latest in gadgetry, but we play with our kids. We have activities that we work together with and incorporate anyone who blows through the door. We work, we play and we serve others. It may seem simplistic, and it really is. They have to have something that makes them feel important and unified. Take them away from the pulls. Draw them near by finding ways to reach out to others. I PROMISE, slowly but surely these thing will disappear. Our kids are not perfect by any means, but I know that as we give them opportunities to grow, learn and develop with us... it has made a WORLD of difference. The biggest thing I hear from everyone elses teens is I wish my family did things like this, Can you adopt me? What are we doing next? Our kids have stretched the limits to turn my hair grey as well, but they always turn back to what they know is right and as their friends have done things with us and found the good in what we do, I have found a common ally who encourage them to do what's right or tell me if they are not. Thanks for listening to my 2 cents. Hope it helps. Pray a lot. It really does help.
"I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids." |
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RE: Raising Teens |
kpmom5
Member
Posts: 1
Joined: 13.11.08 |
| Posted on 12/01/2008 10:46:37 |
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If you can survive raising teens, you can survive anything!! I have 3 teens, 16son, 15 daughter and 13 son, with a 9son and 2 daughter coming up behind them. Don't know what I was thinking, but my hair is starting to show hints of gray at 36....!!lol |
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RE: Raising Teens |
mommytwo
Member
Posts: 63
Joined: 21.10.08 |
| Posted on 12/02/2008 14:59:43 |
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I'm raising two teens--16 and 18. I thought when my son went away to college (this year), things would get easier. What was I thinking????? It just gets harder because he still has issues, but now he's not home every day, so I have to figure out how he's REALLY doing through IMs and e mails and phone calls. And boys don't seem to call home the way girls do!!!! It's so hard to let my son go and see him as a young man...and at the same time know he needs parental guidance at times! When do I do what??? AAAAAhhh!!!! Any college guidelines from anyone out there? |
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RE: She's 17? |
maggiem
Member
Posts: 6
Location: Porterville, CA
Joined: 28.10.08 |
| Posted on 01/21/2009 16:24:32 |
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greeeneyedwhwoman wrote:
Wow, raising teens. I've raised 4 girls and my youngest is now 17. This girl was my child that was going to go through life with ease until she was assaulted months ago. She is now just so completely out of control. She has quit school, she is working full time, but also stays out till all hours and doesn't let herself rest, eat properly and is definitely not letting herself heal emotionally from the assault. She won't go get help and she definitely won't listen to me or her father. (she does listen sometimes, but not very often) Most of the time when I try to talk with her, she just says something like "Do you want me to leave?" She actually moved out and was living with a boyfriend but I managed to get her back here so at least I know when she is here that she's safe.
She finished work yesterday at about 7pm and didn't get home until after 1 am. She had ended up at a house party and was confronted by friends of the person who assaulted her and she was threatened with bodily harm. I have tried to explain to her that she is putting herself in danger by choosing to put herself out there with the wrong people etc. and walking home at 1am? Even in my peaceful part of Canada, a female just doesn't do that, its common sense.
She won't go to our dr, she won't go to the Women's Sexual Assault Centre, she won't go to the police (and frankly I don't know what they could do at this point)...
I apologize, I'm totally venting right now. Its difficult to watch her self destruct...I think all I can do is be here for her when she falls, but also be honest with her along the way!
Thanks for listening
Anne
I don't know about Canada, but in the US, 17 is still a minor, and the responsibility of her parents. This being the case, she would be subject to legal ramifications if she ran or left your house or refused to go to a doctor or psychiatrist if ordered to do so. You might check the laws of your area to see if she is considered a minor, and, if so, get a Court Order to place her in a facility where she will get the counseling and/or medications she needs. It's called "Hard Love" and it has saved many a child.
Maggie Mannwieler |
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RE: Raising Teens |
Maria_M27
Member
Posts: 306
Location: NJ
Joined: 30.03.09 |
| Posted on 04/10/2009 13:45:47 |
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Anyone raising teenagers nowadays definitely has their work cut out for them. Unlike when I was a teen (not that many years ago), we didn't have the same technology kids do now. However, if we had, it's safe to say that my parents would not have allowed me to use it. I got my first cell phone when I was 18 to have in case of an emergency since I was starting college and Internet came into the house when I was 16 or so but even then it was not allowed in my room, only on the computer in the living room.
I agree that if those things are banned from the house, it won't do much good b/c it will only make them want it more and they have the means to get access to it outside the home. My only suggestion is to keep the computer in a part of the house where you can observe what's going on and buy them cell phones without cameras and no text messages (family phones).
I honestly don't understand why kids are in such a hurry to grow up, having sex as early as middle school, sending revealing pics to friends' phones and talking with strangers online. Even though it doesn't seem to do much good, just keep talking to them and try to make them realize that these things do not make them cool and that they will not impress others either. |
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