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If you dread buying books for your child, simply because of the outrageous prices, look no further! This is what I have been using for the past year: www.dealoz.com
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Jada Pinkett Smith was Tom Cruise's target in Collateral, and a freedom fighter in The Matrix sequels, and, in this month's Madagascar, she plays Gloria the Hippo. But at home, she's Mommy - apollo |
Jada Pinkett Smith was Tom Cruise's target in Collateral, and a freedom fighter in The Matrix sequels, and, in this month's Madagascar, she plays Gloria the Hippo. But at home, she's Mommy - apollo |
Beth Falkenstein: She's like someone out of a 50s TV show, or a Dick and Jane book ... only she's in color and has a great sense of humor. Her house is within walking distance to her daughter& - apollo |
Jada Pinkett Smith was Tom Cruise's target in Collateral, and a freedom fighter in The Matrix sequels, and, in this month's Madagascar, she plays Gloria the Hippo. But at home, she's Mommy - apollo |
Beth Falkenstein: She's like someone out of a 50s TV show, or a Dick and Jane book ... only she's in color and has a great sense of humor. Her house is within walking distance to her daughter& - apollo |
Jada Pinkett Smith was Tom Cruise's target in Collateral, and a freedom fighter in The Matrix sequels, and, in this month's Madagascar, she plays Gloria the Hippo. But at home, she's Mommy - apollo |
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What to Do When Teen Idols Make Mistakes |
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Oh, teenage life—isn’t that the stupidest period in our life where we’re so careless and we make stupid mistakes? Lately, a lot of tween idols have been catching the media wrath (Miley Cyrus, Jamie Lynn Spears, etc.). This certainly will not be the last for these kinds of things to come, so what do you do when your kids’ role models make these kinds of mistakes.
Take Miley Cyrus, for example. The behavior of this teen-pop idol is still buzzing with shock and/or disapproval. Personally, I did not see what many parents saw. Annie Leibovitz, the photographer for Miley’s famed Vanity Fair shoot, is a very talented artist that I admire. So when the pictures first came, I wasn’t as nearly shell-shocked as the parents who said, “Which one’s more offensive: her bare backed poses or the pictures of her bare midriff while she sprawled across Billy Ray’s lap?”
I just thought, Okay, since when is a bare back considered taboo, people?! Parents tend to think like this because they are afraid that their kids will copy these stars’ behavior. But then again, most tween girls were not even attracted to these photos, initially. They probably thought, “Wow, she looks dirty (you know, sans the blonde wig and the bubblegum personality).”
It made sense why parents are reeling, especially with the increased sexualization of girls in the media and the overall increase of publicized bad behavior (Roger Clemens’ alleged steroid use). So sometimes, parents do need to take charge of matters like this—cue Jamie Lynn. Even if it just came to you, your kids have probably been gossiping about it for days. So bring the issue up yourself, then let her ask questions.
According to Amy Beal from Parenting.com, you could try asking something like, "I wonder if she was pressured into posing for those photos. What would you say if someone wanted you to do something you didn't want to do?" Your kids may ask if they can still admire so and so. Tell then, "People can be good at certain things, like acting or singing, but not at others. It's fine if you still like them." After all, you shouldn’t be rebuking the person, but rather, the behavior.
So start the discussion. Ignore it, and it won’t go away. Your kids will just ask someone else. As Dr. Robyn Silverman writes in her blog, this is the opportunity for your kids to learn about themselves, their values, and making mistakes and how they’d fix those. Tell your kids about the stars who have turned their lives around from their publicized bad behavior, like Drew Barrymore who caught headlines with her drugs, alcohol, and partying habits. She is now a stable actress who makes headlines with her talents and her films.
It’s important to communicate these messages without condemning. Do not get judgmental; trust that your kids know better and don’t jump to conclusions. Ask questions like, “What would you do if you were put in the same situation?” Dr. Robyn says, “You might be surprised by what your children have to say if you just give them a chance to express themselves.”
Try to understand the matters from your kids’ point of view. What is it about this particular icon that you kid is drawn to so much? An example that Dr. Robyn provided in her article is Kelly Osbourne. With parents, it’s easy to see a foul-mouthed, gothic-dressed, dark girl, who came from the Osbourne family (enough said). But your teenager might see a positive role model who encourages healthy body image and creativity. A celebrity might make a kid feel more okay with themselves.
So find the positive, no matter how difficult it is. You might not like a particular celebrity yourself, but he/she might provide a positive message to your kids. Take Pink—the rough-edged, eccentric singer who encourages girls to speak up and be different when society is telling them to be like everyone else. Provide counter-media role models, if needed. Expose your kids to a variety of people in your daily lives with positive messages, such as firefighters, teachers, soldiers, or family members. With these people involved in their lives, your kids might not have to turn to celebrities for inspiration or to be someone to look up to.
Most importantly, be a role model to your child. Set positive examples—kids always follow what their parents do. Be aware that the choices that you make everyday for you also impact your children. Someday, they will be in a predicament where they will ask, “What would my parents do?”
Keep in mind that it’s not enough to only tell your kids what to do; put them into action! As the old saying goes, “This too shall pass.” When your children see their celeb role models being torn into pieces by society for the choices that they make, give them a safe place to think. As Dr. Robyn says, “While the outside world may be erratic and unpredictable, together, you can create safe boundaries and limits so that your children can stay on the path to reach their goals.”
By Ivana Cheong
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| Comments |
on July 21 2008 20:18:13
Thank God we had Debbie Gibson and Tiffany when I was growing up. They didn't do anything bad... that we knew of anyway.
This was a great article. People make mistakes. Remember when Charles Barkley said that he was not a role model, that we (the parents) should be the role models to our children? Well it's true. I love Madonna but I'm not gonna do half the stuff she does....thus I may never sell out Madison Square Garden, but even as a teenager I knew that you should probably only copy like, her bracelets, and maybe her shoes, but not the provacative things so much.
Hopefullly we can raise our kids to see that these people are entertainers, they are not the boss of you!  |
on November 20 2008 08:49:58
Great article, Ivana. I don't remember having a role model growing up. I was so unsure of myself and really had no one to talk to about my feelings. I remember looking in magazines and wanting to look like Cheryl Tiegs or Jeanne Shrimpton or Twiggy. <g> Because I didn't grow up in a happy home I yearned to be Walton. :-) |
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